Patience

Patience...

That word "he" likes to say, over and over again..

Until it sinks deep into my mind, absorbed into my skin, penetrated my bones and got lost in my blood...

Now I wonder if that word could hold me if I need to weep, make decisions for me when a choice need to be made, cross the line for me with time is due, lie for me when a little white lie is all you need to save the day, be strong for me when it gets lonely, cry for me when things get a bit too overwhelming, hug me when I miss his voice and touch...

So now I've grown attached to him..And I need to break that bond, or at least loose it a little..

Cos I don't like it when I become too emotionally dependent..

That can't be me, to be dependent on something so fragile, so free, so unsure...

Patience, I reckon is the word most people use when they don't know the answers to your questions...

Accidental Babies

This is such a sweet, romantic song...

Perfect for a romantic evening, doing the things that lovers do...

Accidental Babies
damien rice

well i held you like a lover
happy hands and your elbow in the appropriate place

and we ignored our others, happy plans
for that delicate look upon your face

our bodies moved and hardened
hurting parts of your garden
with no room for a pardon
in a place where no one knows what we have done

do you come
together ever with him?
and is he dark enough?
enough to see your light?
and do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
do you miss my smell?
and is he bold enough to take you on?
do you feel like you belong?
and does he drive you wild?
or just mildly free?
what about me?

well you held me like a lover
sweaty hands
and my foot in the appropriate place

and we use cushions to cover
happy glands
in the mild issue of our disgrace

our minds pressed and guarded
while our flesh disregarded
the lack of space for the light-hearted
in the boom that beats our drum

well i know i make you cry
and i know sometimes you wanna die
but do you really feel alive without me?
if so, be free
if not, leave him for me
before one of us has accidental babies
for we are in love

do you come
together ever with him?
is he dark enough?
enough to see your light?
do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
do you miss my smell?
and is he bold enough to take you on?
do you feel like you belong?
and does he drive you wild?
or just mildly free?

what about me?
what about me?

Where Your Road Leads

Two days ago, I confronted my husband and told him I don't love him the way I used to.

So he packed his clothes and moved out of the house.

Watching him pack made me cry like I lost a child. Full of sadness, hallow and pure sorrow. Where did all the love gone? How did the passion die? How could I let it die?

So I hugged him real tight..Not wanting to let go, but no words were spoken. I didn't stop him from leaving, I did't plead him to stay.

And so he left...

Two nights without him was ackward..In a funny way, I feel relieved.

So I am now thinking of the path I should be taking to lead me to my directions..

Should I choose to stay with my husband; mend my broken heart, relight the passion, cherish the love...Or do I break new grounds, explore a new life that may bring me happiness?

Life is a risk..In a cowardly way, I am too afraid to risk it all..To venture into the unknown world of single mothers..To be single again, to wonder again who will I meet and share my stories and passion.

Because although I have grown to love "him", grown accustomed to his beautiful face and his warm hands, I am very doubtful of our future together..

Because he is taken, married...

And today after I accidently met his wife, I am heartbroken..

I don't have the heart to break another woman's heart..Because I know what betrayal is all about, what pain it could bring, what darkness that may befall..

Maybe when I cross the bridge I will find someone new..A single man who could love me and my son, accept me for who I am and tell me everything's okay.

But in a dangerous way, I don't want any other man...

Because when I close my eyes at night, wishing someone could hold me tight and give me light kisses on the cheek, he is all that I need...

Chasing Dreams

To him, with much love...

Chasing Cars
2006©snow patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world? 

Running In Circles

I am now looking at his wife's friendster account, starring at their happy photos on honeymoons and vacations..The smiles on their faces and the possible laughters behind it all..

Nobody said it was easy..

I am now thinking what mess am I getting myself into..

The kind of mess that makes you want more, yearn for deeper things, more than just physical and what meets the eye..

Most nights I would I miss him so much, thinking how it would twinge my heart, knowing he wakes up every morning to someone else but me..Thinking what we have are just hidden glances, stolen kisses and 5-second hugs..

I could make a decision, to leave him and forget we ever had our first magical kiss. But I chose to stay. Because somehow, in a funny way, he is my saviour..

My mind is so twisted, I need someone to fix me, badly...

Fix You
2005©coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you