Numb

I suffer from this medical illness which prevents me from feeling what I love to feel, the enjoyment of sex. Bluntly put, I feel nothing, for 2 years now, after the birth of my son. Great numbness, devoid of sensation. I feel defected, less of a woman, freak...

I've tried various traditional medications but to no avail. I cried very time I yearn for sex because I know I would feel nothing, so why bother. I would curled up in the corner of a room, wishing I never knew sex and what great joy it brings. Different positions, different approaches, different times, different beds; all a dissapointing failure. I'm cursed for life.

I seeked advice from a modern medicine doctor, a private hospital in Ampang, but he seemed puzzled. Operation recommended but no promises. Let's try it, what do I have to lose than a few thousand ringgits.."Let me talk to your husband", he said. "Are you sure you want this?" God damn it, of course I want it! What other choice do I have, what other ways are there?

Another procastinated event, I'm out of luck. I don't need another day, I'm out of my mind. .

Another year without sex, you might as well send me to the insanity planet..

I've already been booked for it anyway...